Zuck Not the Best of Neighbors

A.J. Pike

Palo Alto, CA - It really is not fair to say that Mark Zuckerberg is not the best of neighbors. This is due to the simple fact he really doesn’t have any neighbors left - he buys them all out. In the last 14 years he has spent $110 million purchasing 11 homes that surround his initial property, razing some of them and dramatically renovating others. 

The Facebook genius first moved into the ultra-exclusive Crescent Park neighborhood in Palo Alto in 2011, after purchasing a 5,600 sf home on Edgewood Drive. That property certainly seemed modest enough at the time for a budding, then 26-year old, centi-billionaire. But since that time, the local residents who have remained, and decided not to sell out, at greatly exaggerated property values, describe a year-to-year irritation of constant construction, blocked driveways, wild parties, increased surveillance, and piles of debris. 

Mr. Zuckerberg has since converted five of the homes he purchased into a compound as a main residence for him, his wife Priscilla Chan and their three children. The property now features several guest homes, lush gardens, an entertainment hub, a pickleball court, a pool with a hydrofloor covering for dance parties, and a 7-foot tall  silver statue of his wife, Priscilla, commissioned by Mr. Zuckerberg. Underneath the compound, the Tech guru added 7,000 square feet of what has been referred to, in permits, as a basement space, but neighbors have taken to calling it ‘The Billionaire’s Bat Cave.’

One of the houses on the property has been converted into a private school, despite a city code prohibiting it, that is equipped for as many as 14 students. Reports state that six adults, including four teachers, worked there last year. 

Of the nine neighbors who are still left, surrounding the compound, seven asked not to be identified out of fear of retribution; one was brave enough to speak to a news reporter recently about increased levels of surveillance throughout the neighborhood, including newly installed security cameras, security guards camped out in cars, and strange men asking questions about what they were doing in the neighborhood.

“No neighborhood wants to be occupied,” stated Michael Kieschnick, a Palo Alto resident whose home shares three sides with property owned by Mr. Zuckerberg. “But that’s exactly what they’ve done. They’ve occupied our neighborhood.”

Mr. Kieschnick said his neighbors are frustrated with the Zuckerbergs, but they are also angry with the city of Palo Alto. In 2016, a City Board rejected Zuck’s application to build a compound. But over time, the city has approved 56 permits for his properties, effectively allowing him to slowly amass and build an enormous compound in a residential area.  

The Facebook co-founder’s spokesperson, Aaron McLear, contradicted  claims that Mr. Zuckerberg’s security team was monitoring residents as they went about their daily business, such as walking down the sidewalks along his property. 

“Mr. Zuckerberg requires heavy security as CEO of one of the world’s most powerful companies. And his team has adjusted surveillance cameras when asked by residents. Mark, Priscilla and their children have made Palo Alto their home for more than a decade,” stated Mr. McLear. “They value being members of the community and have taken steps above and beyond any local requirements to avoid disruption in the neighborhood.”

Mr. Kieschnick has stated that he’s been approached by Zuck’s team with offers to buy his home of more than 30 years, but his answer has continually been no. 

“Billionaires everywhere are used to just making their own rules. And Zuckerberg and Chan are not unique, except that they’re our neighbors,” Mr. Kieschnick added. “But it’s a mystery why the city has been so feckless.”

The answer to that question may not be as ‘feckless’ as Mr. Kieschnick thinks.  

Nevertheless, to accommodate the neighbors, one of the world’s current ranking Power Couples has instituted certain changes at street level. Security guards now sit in quiet electric vehicles. Staff, vendors and crews are frequently reminded to minimize noise; and since construction occasionally blocks street parking, many are encouraged to carpool or taxi to and from the property.

The Zuckerberg’s staff  have also sent gifts to neighbors when things have gotten out of hand, including sparkling wine, chocolates, Krispy Kreme doughnuts and even noise cancelling headphones. 

Although, on second thought, it might be a better idea to send all of the Zuckerberg’s neighbors a gift of those Meta Quest Headsets that Zuck so prizes and produces. This way they can easily tune in to the 3D virtual reality experience and find themselves somewhere else on the planet, anywhere but living next door to the 2nd richest man on Earth.