Bank Robberies Gone Bad

A.J. Pike

L.A. Space Cadet - A Bank Robber walked into a Wells Fargo Bank and accidentally left his wallet at the teller’s station after successfully fleeing with the cash. It didn’t take long for the cops to find him. He’d left his driver’s license, a social security card and his criminal registration card in the wallet. His last words as they cuffed him and towed him away: “I didn’t do it!”

Brazilian Wax Job - A Brazilian woman was charged with attempted theft and the violation of a corpse, after wheeling her dead uncle into a bank in Rio de Janeiro and trying to take out a $3,300 loan in his name. In recorded footage of the incident, Erika de Souza Vieira Nunes, 42, can be seen asking Paulo Braga, 68, who had died hours before: “Uncle, are you listening? You need to sign.” When a suspicious bank employee pointed out that “Braga doesn’t look well at all”, Nunes replied: “He doesn’t say anything. He’s like that” - then tried to force a pen into his hard cold hand. Needless to say, her plan was DOA.

The 51st State - A man went into a small bank in Winnipeg, Ontario, Canada recently, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a brown paper bag over his face as a mask. It was only then did he realize he’d forgotten to cut eye holes in the bag. By the time he got it off his head, an off-duty cop was holding a gun to his face.     

Way too high! - A man went into a bank in the Emerald Triangle, in Northern California, the heart of pot country, and was successful in coming out with a fist full of cash. He was arrested a few hours later when he attempted to deposit the loot into his account at the same bank.

Island Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - A man dressed as a woman robbed a bank in the Virgin Islands. He apparently drove up on his bicycle, straightened his wig, checked his lipstick, and went into the bank where he stood in line until he was called by the teller. Once at the teller, the man produced a handgun he had concealed in his dress and told the teller to give him all her money, which she did. When he walked outside, he  realized his bike was gone. He fled into the bush on foot. Police are still looking for a man, dressed as a woman, wearing a studded blue jeans dress, white sneakers, a brown curly wig, yellow sunshades and purple lipstick.